#i’ve had many many perfectly civil conversations about this with people i don’t necessarily entirely agree with

[kinnbig]

jsyk i’m not responding to anons about the build situation. i’m not talking about something like this with anyone who isn’t willing to put their name to what they’re saying.

[megnificent-reads]

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Christ alive/5 ☆

Warning - this review is 1.2k words, and 98% negative. If you love SJM and the ACOTAR series, love that for you /gen. However, for your own mental health, I genuinely would not recommend you read this. For everyone else, and those who hate-read, Let's begin!

~~~

Okay, so I actually rated this 2 stars on Goodreads because I didn’t hate it the whole time but, I’m mad about it so it gets a special rating. ♡

I honestly lament when I was excited to read this book. Being what I refer to as a Lucien Lover (nuanced), I enjoyed a good bit of the beginning of this book. That’s not to say I wholeheartedly enjoyed every word of the first 100 pages of this book. 

So we start with Feyre in the throes of rage, becoming a master manipulator. Now, before I put just a minute or two of thought into it, I loved it. I love a girl tearing shit apart and using intellegence as a form of strength. However… 

Anybody think she was doing a little too much…?

Like, okay, Tamlin fucked up. Big time. I will admit justice is needed! Love when women take back power! But not only dismantling his entire country but turning everyone against him for things that he actually did not do? Crazy! He sucks! But people still live in that country. We still need order! His life is ruined now and I don’t necessarily think all that was necessary. 

Tamlin sidebar: “my father and my father’s father did the Tithe, so I’m going to do it.” Didn’t you acknowledge two books ago that your father sucks absolute ass? What fucking sense does that make? How in the first book was he the Perfect Moral Man that now can’t see the very evident immorality in the shit you’re doing. Anywhoozers. 

So, Feyre has her cool girl moments and returns to the Night Court. In book one, I was bored out of my mind until we arrived in Rhys-land. (Good one). This time, it was like the moment we arrived here the magic was lost. I was no longer excited to read. And honestly, I think the big issue was actually our beloved bat-boy, Rhysand.

I don’t know her personally, so this is not an attack on her character, but I’m starting to feel like SJM writes Rhysand based off of her fantasy version of what a man is like. Dominating, but soft and loving. Perfectly moral. Capable of evil, deplorable things, but too loving of people and their dreams to be that way. I’m going to be referring to it as PMS (Perfect Man Syndrome). 

Many of her men (sorry, males) are unfortunate PMS victims, but Rhysand is by far the worst. I wish I had underlined it when I was reading so I could cite it, but there’s just something about his actions. He is PMSing so hard that he doesn’t develop at all. He was old enough to be grown during the faerie-UK version of the Amercian Civil War where of course he was anti-slavery the entire time despite being raised by people who appeared to be violent racists. Good for our educated king. He also, of course, runs a sanctuary for abused women. 

Of course, I’m not saying that being anti-slavery and supporting abused women is bad. I love it. But like… be real with me here. I know that this is fictional. It’s not real. We can be happy here. But can I have some dimension, please? This man is the personality version of Flat Stanley. We had two conflicts between them since they got together and both were resolved by Rhys nearly getting on his knees and saying everything is his fault and he’s so sorry. The first conflict was just her thinking she stepped out of her Womenly Line and him not even knowing there was an issue. 

He’s just so. Fucking. Boring. 

Moving on. ♡.

Let’s talk about what makes me so goddamn angry about this book. I’ve seen complaints about SJM where other people are saying that other people call her books feminist literature. I personally have never heard anybody say that, but if I did, I don’t know if I would be able to control the rant that would ensue.  

I’m willing to have a civilized conversation, but I don’t remember Feyre actually doing anything. Yes, SJM puts her women in positions of power. Do they use said power? Maybe once or twice. 

Amren is an ex-god with powers above any character we’ve met so far. We see it used I think once. The rest of the time is spent talking about her power and her holding down the fort at Velaris while everyone else is off to war. 

Morrigan - also very powerful (described only). I remember her power being “truth” and never elaborating on that. She is a known soldier, that doesn’t fight. 

During the two huge battles, Feyre, Nesta, and Morrigan are on the ground while Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel are in the air fighting. After the first battle, Feyre is seen tending to her beloved mate’s wounds, Nesta is fetching water for Cassian, and Morrigan is getting mad at Nesta for wanting to fuck Cassian. So strong of all of them. 

Azriel is there doing… nothing. Which he has a habit of doing. Speaking of habits, SJM will create characters that I like because I’m excited to see how they will grow and develop. 

She then proceeds to do nothing with them.

I know more books are coming, as they will with SJM until the end of time, but it’s starting to drag. I love Elain. Well, I love what Elain could be. She’s a seemingly fragile, docile character. With her Seer powers, I was excited to see her notice the world around her sucks and develop into somone capable of holding their own. Instead, she uses her powers to relay some cryptic messages that no one heeds or even tries to, then she “snaps out of it” and can’t really do anything else. 

Azriel has a tragic backstory and seemingly a big story to tell. God, I wish I could ever fucking hear it. 

This is getting exceptionally long, but I remembered I had a list of things I wanted from ACOWAR and didn’t receive, so I’ll pick one more thing off. 

The Ouroboros. Out of all symbols, the Ouroboros is my favorite. Cycles and inevitability and all that. We spend a good chunk of this book leading up to Feyre retrieving this. It drives everyone mad. Only the strongest can look in it and survive. I was so excited to see what she saw! What the battle with herself would be like! How does she overcome it?

I guess we’ll never know.

She ended up seeing… herself? I guess she wasn’t previously aware of her flaws and then simply accepted them. Would love to have seen it!

And to finally end this review, I think the Ouroboros is a good symbol of every issue I have with this book. There’s so much build up and excitement that ultimately leads nearly no explanation. It’s like there’s ideas and concepts but then no idea how to execute them.

I won’t be reading ACOFAS or ACOSF or anything else. I already didn’t want to, then I found out about the pregnancy thing and. Yeah. I think I’m good off that.

[coldmorte]

So i have some unpopular opinions; i feel like Dutch doesnt sleep around as much as people would like to think. He probably likes the fact that people think that of him, even if its not his style. Also...i dont think Dutch and Molly have any chemistry.

Howdy! (ASK 1 OF 2)

I apologize it took me some time to actually reply to this, especially because it is such a great ask! I definitely agree with both points made here, but I was debating how I wanted to write a response (and how far to take it).

Anyway, I'm open to hearing unpopular opinions! I know I have plenty of my own, so I'm not really one to judge others (as long as there is mutual respect) ☺️

My response is fairly long, and it deals with some sensitive topics. I decided to add a cut to this first ask, just to be safe! 💜💜💜

(Warning: SPOILERS below)

In regard to Dutch sleeping around, there are a few reasons why I don’t think he does it as much as it is often implied/assumed (I’m primarily limiting this to the timeframe of RDR2, Ch. 1-6).

First of all, Molly explicitly says Dutch doesn’t show her a lot of physical attention, even though he is her SO. If he’s not sleeping with her much, I doubt that he is going around with any other women at this time. He seldom leaves camp, outside of doing missions, so it is unlikely that he would meet up with anybody not in the gang. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me, as it would put him in a vulnerable position.

Dutch complains multiple times - including to Molly - that he is under stress and concerned about the Pinkertons closing in on them. Why would he go around outside the camp sleeping with random women? It would put him at the risk of being seen or reported on, and I believe he is smarter than to take on the unnecessary danger. Generally, he doesn’t spend much time in civilized areas, unless he needs to.

Not to mention, stress can be a real inhibitor of sex drive. For the entirety of the game, Dutch exhibits various degrees of anxiety and depression. I believe the gang and his personal safety were of much more concern to him, thus diminishing his interest in sex.

Speaking of the gang, I don’t personally see Dutch as sleeping around with the women in it that much. He did have a relationship with Susan in the past. Whether anything was still going on between them or not is uncertain, but if there was something, it probably was not serious or very frequent. In RDR1, he also suggests that he slept with Abigail, but if this happened, I doubt it would have occurred during the events of RDR2. They hardly ever interacted, and when Abigail did talk about Dutch, it was almost always in a negative manner. Dutch also showed some interest in Mary-Beth. However, I don’t think it went beyond flirting. She didn’t show much interest in him, and I think word would have gotten around if he tried to force anything, especially to Arthur (I am not going to discuss the events of RDR1 in any more detail here because that is a whole different conversation). But other than them, who else in the gang? There were not enough interactions with other women to suggest there was anything between them and Dutch.

Also, sex was considerably more risky in 1899 than it is today, and the means of contraception were not as dependable. For instance, The Pill didn’t go onto the market for another 60 years, and it was more difficult to get ahold of other birth control methods. This was partly because there were not as many technological advancements in this field and because there were a few laws that prevented reliable access to contraceptives (ex: The Comstock Laws). Condoms were arguably one of the easier birth control methods to find, but they still were not as widely available then as they are today (the quality was arguably not as good either). As I understand it, some searching was generally required to get ahold of condoms (usually in more civilized areas, which Dutch tried to avoid).

Dutch is a very contradictory character. My point in bringing up birth control is because although on some level I think Dutch probably would have liked to have actual children, I do not think he was serious enough about it to take any risks that might have led to an unwanted pregnancy during the timeframe of RDR2. As I mentioned, he was under a lot of stress with the gang. A biological child on top of that most likely would have overwhelmed him, and it would have required a long-term commitment to not only the child, but to the mother as well. I believe Dutch was smart enough to recognize this danger, and since birth control methods were not as widely available or reliable, he would not have wanted to sleep around too much (unwanted pregnancies were relatively common during this era).

I’ve written in the past that I believe Dutch had a certain degree of self-consciousness underneath his pride, so I do agree that he probably would have liked people finding him attractive or seductive. These traits emanate a sense of power and confidence, which would have provided a more favorable presentation of himself to others. These perceptions certainly would have helped to conceal his own self-doubts and insecurities, so he would have welcomed them, rather than try to refute them.

Now, in regard to the chemistry between Dutch and Molly, I agree. I think it was a pretty bad relationship all around. I don’t see its flaws as being entirely one-sided.

I will get into this a little more on the next ask, but I will discuss a few things here first.

Starting with Dutch, I will admit that he could have treated Molly a lot better. Even if he wasn’t happy with her or the status of their relationship, he should have seriously talked to her more. She deserved that, at the very minimum. There were a few instances where she tried to get his attention, and he just brushed her off. Again, like I said, even if he wasn’t very keen on the relationship anymore, he should have at least been honest about that. Then, as I already discussed, he had some mildly flirtatious conversations with Mary-Beth. I certainly do not think this helped matters. It was rude the way he insulted Molly for bringing up his interactions with Mary-Beth and how he pretended he had no idea what Molly was talking about.

Onto Molly, I don’t think she was perfect either. I know Dutch didn’t talk with her nearly as much as he should have, but she didn’t seem to show a whole lot of support for him in return. Dutch expressed that he was feeling stressed and not up to much physical activity, to which she got quite upset. She seemed to turn some arguments towards herself and her needs, with little regard for Dutch’s wellbeing. I do think she was selfish for demanding him to give her something he did not want to give/could not provide. Also, she refused to help the gang find leads or assist with chores, even when told to do so by others (ex: Dutch and Arthur). She tended to act above everybody else, claiming she wasn’t a servant to the needs of the gang as a whole. Though I can respect her sense of independence in that regard, it did show a sense of entitlement. Even Dutch donated to the gang funds, and as the leader, he was the one responsible for overseeing the vast majority of missions they engaged in. Molly was the only person who really did not contribute much. (Side note: Even UNCLE - the laziest bastard in the West - helped with leads and contributions!!)

I will get into this more in the following ask, but although I know she loved Dutch to an extent, I think part of her fascination with him was rooted in infatuation. Little is known about her background, but it is canon that she came from a wealthy and influential family in Ireland. I think part of the reason why she liked Dutch so much was because of the powerful position he held. She frequently lashed out at people who she perceived as challenging the reality of her “love” for him, such as Abigail and Karen. In one instance, Molly even went so far as to slap Karen across the face because she thought Karen was talking negatively about her. There was no evidence to prove or disprove Molly’s beliefs, but it did show that she was pretty sensitive about criticism (whether it was perceived or real) in regard to her relationship with Dutch.

Now, Dutch was wrong to use Molly’s fascination with him and his role in the gang to seduce her. But like I said, both of them had their issues. It was just a bad situation from both sides, and I do not think it should have happened in the first place. I don’t necessarily blame one more than the other. To be honest, I think they each deserved someone who fit them better.

And if I am being even MORE honest, I think Dutch should have stayed with Susan. She loved him, and he made a big mistake in ever giving her up. I believe the events of RDR2 would have turned out very differently, had he kept her closer.

(Ending note: Outside of serious posts - like this one - I know I make quite a few jokes about Dutch on my blog in regard to sexuality, but I do not mean for much of what I say in that regard to be taken *too* seriously. I don’t particularly want to discuss my personal life in the text of this post, but I will say that even if Dutch was a person I knew in real life, I’m not sure I would seriously want anything to happen between us. However, that is another matter entirely that has nothing whatsoever to do with him. I absolutely LOVE his character to death, and my blog will remain dedicated to his role in the RDR story for as long as I am around! That is all that should matter!!!)

Also, it is perfectly fine and normal to separate fiction from reality! It is okay to alter interpretations of Dutch (and/or Molly) for the sake of artistic expression, as long as the reasons can be justified. Furthermore, it is fine to disagree with me!!

I just hope this response gave you a thing or two to consider. Thank you again for sending your message in!! 💜💜💜

[rametarin]

A subtle form of abuse.

Sometimes abuse deliberately makes itself look mundane. You’ll never be able to tell, because in explaining what it is, it sounds like a pedantic gripe or just the recipient being whiny.

But I want you to imagine this. You, as an adult, are a dependent. Your handler/guardian has complete legal custody of you. You cannot leave without winding up in either a juvenile hall, or a psyche center/ward.

Basically so long as they aren’t demonstrating abuse to you, they can ward you however they want. Now, they know they can’t hit you, outwardly yell at you, belittle you openly, or demean you. And “accidents” or “coincidences” that happen too often are bad optics.

So, what is an abuser to do? How can they drive you nuts with full impunity?

Social conventions and antagonism.

It starts in the morning. They open up with conversation, as seems normal. But it takes them a minute to three to get passed the boilerplate in order to see if they actually have anything they want to say worth hearing.

What they ultimately want is for you to be forced in the phase of listening and not acting, going or doing. While they are getting to their point, you are at their mercy. If you try to leave, they will justify that as being angry with you and upping the antse to arbitrary demerits and punishment, citing very real things you did that they have the power to govern as insults. Other people when they hear this story will think, “Well it’s both none of my business but also true if that rude little shit just walked off while the guardian is speaking, that’s flagrant disrespect and rude and selfish. I think they were right in doing what they did.”

But that’s the objective. The objective of drawing out how long (not necessarily how much is said) they take to get to the fucking point when addressing you, is the form of abuse. It’s a control of where you are in place and time, and setting up borders while they address you. They’re controlling your every second.

So you learn to listen in case they have anything worth hearing, just so they won’t fly off the handle and punish you disproportionately to what you’ve done.

And then they suck 2 minutes out of your day.

Doesn’t seem like much? Okay, now imagine they let a few seconds pass, and now they’re continuing to speak. What, you thought you were done? You’d better pay attention, because they’re giving you little tidbits to MAKE you pay attention for as long and to everything that they say and then punish you for ignoring them, if you don’t pay attention.

You’re generously given about 3-4 minutes to yourself. It’s a little time to not be harassed or make it obvious they’re antagonizing you and they just had “something” to say. But that 3-4 minute window is not enough time to do anything or start anything of value.

Now another 2 minutes is cheated out of your day. Up to 4 minutes.

Now 2 more minutes pass. And they start up again.

Now it’s something about breakfast. They’re asking you what you want. You tell them.

They wait a few seconds, then they go on to give you options after you give them what you want

You repeat yourself. Making you repeat yourself by pretending not to perceive your response forces you to invest time and effort into communication, and ignoring you when you respond forces you to do it again. But they give you these false confirmations that they’re listening, because you don’t have the means to know if they’re hearing until they themselves affirm it.

So they keep giving you options.. Between 2-5 times, before they’ll accept any response or definitive answer you give.

Five minutes of listening to their spiel, like playing a RPG game where you can’t mash the “FUCKING FINISH THE DIALOGUE” button and continue on. You’re trapped in that window of time while they drone on and on to get to the point.

Now we’re up to about 12 minutes of your day has been sucked out of you just in the back-and-forth conversationally when a simple “hello,” “morning,” “want breakfast?” “-thing-” is all that’s required. And maybe small talk.

But you combine that with the deliberate gaps between the burning of your time and it becomes almost an entire fucking half hour of the day of someone reinacting how the Mongols would siege any given civilization. Just roll in, fling arrows from horse back, ride away quickly. Then swing back around, antagonize with projectiles on horseback, ride awayquickly. You try and do anything else and they’re on you with something that demands first priority of your attention and time.

Interspersed with ignoring you when you answer as if they’re not done speaking yet (false gaps for response), loud, “Whaaat?” to pretend they didn’t understand you, then making you repeat yourself LOUDER to pretend they didn’t hear you. All of it to just suck as much time and energy from you as they can possibly get.

For no other purpose than to take it away from you, so you can’t have it for yourself.

And if you raise your voice to make FUCKING SURE they hear you the first time, they get upset and use it as an excuse to demerit you and rant about how you don’t need to scream in the house. Which takes another 2 minutes of your time.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do to avoid this. There’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop this. They have the perfect avenue to take their sweet time, and yours, against your will. And interrupt whatever you’re doing to withhold enjoyment or immersion in anything you’re doing, whenever they wish.

Could be as simple as being outside, with them standing in the doorway and demanding you be just far enough away that they can hear you. And then pretending they can’t hear you, you need to come closer to the house. About fifty feet from the door, therebouts. It just becomes too fucking frustrating to even bother leaving the house anymore, so you stay inside just to keep their fucking mouth shut just a few seconds more of the day.

There’s no fulfillment to be had in doing anything if someone is just going to give themselves top priority to your time, no matter what you’re doing, and then piss all over that precious time. So you stop doing things.

Even when you go over to visit friends, when you get back the abusive guardian is mad about you leaving the home. They talk your ear off and demand you engage them, even passively, to make up for the time where they DIDN’T have the agency to intrude in your time and space.

Now, absolutely nothing I’ve said here is done in obvious and visible quantities that would construe traditional abuse. They can all just be chalked up to “eccentricities” or “good parenting.” Even if recorded before a judge, it’d just sound like normal everyday interactions. But it’s the means and how and length of the conversations, and how they react when asked to shorten it, that gets to be abusive. There’s no respectful, polite way to get them to stop doing it. They do it on purpose and premeditate it specifically to sink your time.

Doing it this way, they can just suck the peace and solitude out of your entire day. And nobody will care, because they aren’t verbally belittling you, they aren’t being audibly snide, they aren’t striking you, and they aren’t destroying your things. In fact, they intersperse it with seemingly benevolent guardian things. Normal things. Like cooking you food, or offering you something from the store.

You can just dominate and destroy somebody’s entire day just by diverting their attention to you, grabbing hold of it, letting them slip through your fingers and then yanking the leash a little later. Just enough to threaten consequences if they don’t pay attention to you. Just enough to “yank your chain.”

And unless you’re willing to put yourself in an even worse situation for even a possibility of escape, you’re guaranteed this low key torture and antagonism.

You try to study or read anything, it’s not going to be a solid chunk of time. It’s going to be stop-and-go.

Knowing this, is it any FUCKING wonder so many American kids have attention deficiency? Their fat disgusting narcissistic mothers, fresh from kicking their fathers out of the house (that they still have to pay the mortgage on while sleeping in their cars) and need someone to jabber at all fucking day.

No one is there to say, “Shut your fucking mouth and leave them alone! You aren’t entitled to all their time! You aren’t entitled to all their attention! This is not okay!” Because the men aren’t allowed to do so without it being considered a social faux pas for telling a mother how to parent while being a man, and other mothers/women also want that to be an acceptable way for them to get attention, antagonize and it be perfectly legal.

So if you ask me, it’s no surprise kids in the US are attention-deficient. After the fat disgusting pigs suck all the attention and time away, drugs like adderal and legalized forms of meth are their way of milking even more interaction out of them against their will.

A bit like giving your slaves cocaine to improve performance and improve morale, but destroying their bodies meanwhile.

Taking all of someone’s time and attention away from them leave them angry, bitter and just chomping at the bit to beat you until you stop living. Forcing them to participate in a familial relationship where they have responsibility but no agency or freedom.

This abusive form of parenting has been normalized and nobody can fucking do shit about it.